so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize