The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
