He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
