When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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