she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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