____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
