Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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