I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize