and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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