I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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