I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
