I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
