You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
