Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
