I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
