In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
