Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.

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(909): View more from California

I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.

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(510): View more from California

This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?

(925): View more from California

Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.

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(904): View more from Florida

I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila

(618): View more from Illinois

Most of the people I know from AA

(270): View more from Kentucky

Haha touché

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