i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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