I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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