I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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