You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just pee around me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
