no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
