im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
