were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
