gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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