He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
