Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
