So drunk its hurt
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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