why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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