we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
