apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
