they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
