How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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