cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
