connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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