Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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