ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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