My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
