Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
