Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
