Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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