You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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