He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
