Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
