Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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