I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize