we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
