If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
