He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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