I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
