Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
