I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
