He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize