Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
one might say we're banned from that church
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
