I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
