he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
