I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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