He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And then my night got REAL pukey
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
