Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
