And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
