Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
