a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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