Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
