The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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