please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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