are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
