fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Randomize
