so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dick very happy bro
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
