Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
