So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
